Em and I arrived to Vegas with a golden ticket in hand.. We had reservations at the Venetian.
The Venetian is a five star hotel resort and casino modeled after the Italian cit of the same name. Sure enough, the two of us had been trapped in a car for over 12 hrs and by the time we arrived to the hotel we looked just as ridiculous as most Americans in Italy do. I think I was wearing pajamas but my memory has chosen to protect my self-esteem by blacking it out. After receiving our keys and gliding upstairs in a golden, mirrored elevator, we cautiously stepped foot into a softly lit, air-conditioned hallway. We passed some double door suites and exchanged eyebrow raises. Outside of Suite 117 we gulped and slowly opened the door.
In the far distance trumpets sounded, doves were released and confetti was thrown.
650 ft of glorious hotel room! Hello princess bathroom, giant king size bed, three flat screen tvs, couch, living room, dining table for three, and giant window with remote controlled drapery. (Amazing. Especially since I spent an alarming portion of the day's driving thinking to myself how different life would be if i was a wizard instead of a mere muggle). Its a few years past m eleventh birthday but my Hogwarts letter finally came--in hotel keycard form.
First order of business: Leaping around on giant classy bed. Check. Second order: Testing every different available seating in the room and opening all doors and compartments. Third activity: Frolicking. Fourth: Film fake video based on mtv's cribs. Fifth: Shower in luxury. Lounge around in 500 count towel and lazily flip through leather-bound restaurant menu book; picked out Grand Lux for dinner. Seventh: towel dry hair, sit on plush seat at glamorous vanity to apply makeup. (Extra points to the Venetian for having kind mirrors with soft lighting. Extra extra points for flat screen tv perched in bathroom corner ceiling. Eighth activity: stand in bathroom watching Shes the Man. Ninth: Iron wrinkled dress (without burning myself!) Almost mastered an entire domestic activity. Got tangled in cord and tripped at the finish line. Tenth step: Emerge, phoenix-like, from the week of living in the car to rejoin civilization in dress and heels, debuting at posh restaurant. La la la laaa laaa
Strutted through casino and explored the hotel. Indoor gondola rides, fake imitation sky ceiling overhead, surrounded by walls made of hundred dollar bills (figuratively speaking). Top designer stores, oxygen bars, theaters,, restaurants..This place is adult Disney World. So much craziness goes on here that Vegas had to be built in a pit in the middle of the desert to protect the civilians.
Fighting fatigue, Emily and I tried to enjoy our meals without collapsing face first into them. Must. Stay. Awake. If only to concentrate on walking around. Lux Cafe polishes their marble floors with Crisco. Yeah sure, it looks great and it sparkles but dear God I probably looked like a baby deer learning to walk while maneuvering across the floor. Minus the graceful connotation of the word 'deer'. (Concentrate. Left foot, right foot, arms for balance, maintain posture, look up to avoid scenarios like the Stonehill incident of walking into tree in the middle of campus). Made it to lobby relatively unscathed. Ha! (Must remember to invent way to high-five self.)
Confession: From a distance we doubted Vegas. It is all desert and The Strip looked like five unimpressive and hazy buildings. "Is this a 'Despicable Me' situation? Did someone deflate Vegas?" After Google confirmed that no Las Vegas, Missouri or Las Vegas, Utah existed, we assumed we must-in-fact-be in the right place. Hmm. But let me advise any and all readers, KEEP THE FAITH! Vegas will materialize magically and assert itself as the glittery symbol of America's rampant cowboy capitalist society.
Apparently, Las Vegas was conceived when lady Gaga's imagination teamed up with Disney's imagineers to play real-life Sim City. (See kids, who says history can't be interesting?)
After dinner, we successfully joined the hordes of people in the street and wandered down the new Vegas Strip. Glamour everywhere. It really does seem surreal, like walking around a movie set (not a PG one this time). But we were so tired and I'm such a failure of a girl (my shoes really hurt) that we decided to retire for the evening, vowing to return in a few months with a vengeance. And an ID.
Back in the suite, I decided to draw a bath in the gorgeous Roman bath tub. (Incidentally, if I ever marry someone whose last name is bathtub, that could potentially be the name of my firstborn son). After announcing my plans, running the water and adding the whole bottle of hotel bath soap, I decided to utilize the shower cap provided. (This was the first time I'd blow dried my hair in weeks, might as well savor it.) "Emily! I'm about to experience Heaven!" I exclaimed as I pulled the mirrored double doors of the bathroom shut.
30 seconds later: Heaven was too hot. Rats. Pry Emily out of bed and persuade her to reach into the bottom of the tub to lift the plug and drain some scalding water. I couldn't do it myself for fear of the scene from Hercules when he dives into pol of dead souls and water disintegrates his arm. Risk Emily's arm instead. Debated dropping in ice cubes, but Emily reasonably suggested filling the void with cold water. You may need to pay someone a little extra for your diploma.
Watched Grey's Anatomy from bubble castle. Huzzah!
Peeled off the bathing cap. Hair preserved! Remarkable. Dizzy with exhaustion and heat, turned up the A/C, and melted into soft bed of clouds and feathers. Couldn't figure out how to turn off alarm clock earlier, so Emily ripped the cord out of the wall. Perfection. Boarded the S.S. Sleep and sailed off to dreamland.
When my dream vessel docked back at the Bay of Consciousness, I opened my eyes and remembered where we were. Stretching and sprawling across the bed (because I cold without any legs or arms dangling over the edge), I awoke to find Emily had alreuady been up for hours. Shocking. After freshening up a bit and gathering our belongings, It as time to relinquish celeb-status and transform back into commonfolk. Wahhh. Emily wanted to play the complementary $25 casino chip, so we parted ways momentarily. Em waded through the sea of people adn slots to find Lady Luck, and I slung my bag over my shoulder and tried to find the Daycare Center.
Quick phone call to mum and then Em returned triumphantly, $70 richer. Coffees on Las Vegas' tab and we were carbound again. We parked at the Bellagio and decided to survey their amenities--for strictly research purposes of course. Caught the fountain show and oo'd and ahh'd at the million dollar ceiling. All hanblown glass. They even have another giant foyer where everything is made out of flowers. We have one of those in my house too though so it's less impressive.
We decided the Bellagio was up to our new standards and will consider it for our next stay..I suppose.
Now we are waving goodbye to Vegas as it disappears in the rearview. Hotels and fake Eiffel Towers have turned to sandscapes and awkward, unattractive cacti. Just passed a sign for "Zzyzx Road". Goodbye Katie Perry and "Waking up in Vegas".
...But hello San Diego (just a short coupla hours away).
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